It really helps to have strangers labeling my “body type” and then providing suggestions on how to cover it up.
Summer is finally here and you know what that means…it’s time to put on some spandex and jump into liquid!
We know what you’re thinking, “But I hate my body. How could there possibly be a swimsuit that can hide the horrible shame I feel about not having the body of a 14-year-old gymnast?” Have no fear, GUR is here to help you out of your media-conditioned body dysmorphic disorder and get you into the cancerous sun! Hooray!
We’ve consulted the TOP women’s magazines and put together a list of THEIR BEST swimsuit advice for your body type.
1. Pear Shaped
- Fruit doesn’t swim. And pears are gross looking. Forgo wasting your money on a swimsuit and instead spend your summer passing your self-hatred onto your daughter.
2. Large Bust
- Quit bragging! Boobs are just fat. So basically your “large bust” is just because you’re a big fat fatty fat…
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