Biography of a Pale Gurl

I was born on an ice rink in frosty Minnesota.
My dad wanted to name me Menards or Mills Fleet Farm.
My mom stole my Jeremy Jordan cassette tape back in 1991 and I’ll never forgive her for that.
I like to wear sweaters & scarves all year round.
I have prescription sunblock.
My mom thinks I’m pretty.
Contrary to popular belief, I only have one cat.
I went to college in Wisconsin. Our school’s nickname was “Moo U” because of how pretty all of us ladies were.
I can eat an entire pan of tater tot hotdish. Google it.
My favorite Barbie was Pregnant Barbie, but I’d always lose the unborn baby that you could remove from her belly.
I once kicked a window. I don’t recommend doing that. Especially if you don’t have medical insurance.
I don’t own a bed frame.
I love wearing sports bras, but I hate actual movement.
I could eat canned corn all day.
My nickname as a kid was: “Squishy Buns.”
I’ve had two great loves of my life – Corey Haim and 2Pac. RIP to my boos. ♥
I once knew a man who huffed Dust-Off and he was a really happy guy.
When I’m not performing comedy or eating, my hobbies include: recording and then posting videos of me lip syncing (, brushing my tongue and applying Biore strips to my face.
I can’t French braid. Believe me, I’VE TRIED!
I often spend my laundry quarters on M&M’s in the vending machine at work.
If I could live anywhere in the world, I’d live in Fraggle Rock.
In addition to canned corn, my favorite foods are: Runts, sour cream and sprinkles.



1991 – 1st place in the Roger Rabbit Dance Competition
1996 – Voted Most Likely to Wear Zubaz After High School
2001 – #1 Felicity Fan in Minnesconsin
2011 – Best Bejeweled Blitz score during the week of August 8th
2012 – 11th place in the Best Lip Syncer of Maricopa County Contest



One day, she will be mine…

For more info on shows or bookings, please email me –

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