Facebook has become a way for people to vent frustrations, ailments, heartbreak and embarrassment in the hopes that their “friends” will offer up some support, empathy or maybe a strong back on moving day. However, it’s important to realize that no one on Facebook really cares about you. It may sound harsh, but it’s true and you know it. Facebook was never intended to be a highway of virtual love. Instead it was created for social networking, which is defined as – a world where people sit behind a computer screen laughing, judging and calling you fat from the safety of their living rooms, cubicles or the lobby of Planned Parenthood (THE BEST free high-speed internet in the city).
Sure, you may get a comment or two of support when you announce to your Facebook community that your dad is “like so rude.” But in reality, no one really cares. We (other Facebookers) prefer your status updates and posts to be pathetic and sad so that we may feel better about our own lives. So that we may say things to ourselves like, “At least my life isn’t as bad as that waste of space,” or “Geez, if I were him/her, I’d fall into a well.”
To get a better understanding of how unsympathetic/self-involved Facebookers really are, here is a list of status updates and posts that no one (except the author of each) really cares about and what everyone is really thinking when you post these:
1. The “Oh I’m so sick I think I’m going to die” status update. All your FB “friends” really think when you post this is: “Hopefully.”
2. The “I just got dumped. Why are men/women/dogs/hamsters such a-holes when you date them? Where is my soulmate?” status update. All your FB “friends” really think when you post this is: “How can I fake my Facebook death so that this loser doesn’t try asking me out on a date now?”
3. The “I can’t stop eating. I’m getting so fat/lazy” status update. All your FB “friends” really think when you post this update is: “True story. Even the 600-pound virgin BEFORE his make-over wouldn’t do you. And not because he physically couldn’t, but because he finds you that repulsive.”
4. The “My friends/family/co-workers/etc are so mean…FML” status update. All your FB “friends” think when you post this is: “I’d give anything to watch you get mauled by a Kodiak bear.”
5. The “I am so exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open” status update. All your FB “friends” think when you post this update is: “Boring! Time to ‘HIDE ALL’ updates from this lame-O.”
6. The “I have a 4-day weekend. woo hoo!” status update. All your FB “friends” think when you post this update is: “We’d be jealous if you actually had a life.”
7. The “I’m so in Loooooooooooooove <3 Life is perfect” status update. All your FB “friends” really think when you post this update is: “It’s not love if you’ve only met online.”
Moral of this Facebook story: The only person that cares about you on Facebook is you. We live in a narcissistic world. Yeah we do. Yeah we do.
PaleGurl is eating chicken for lunch.
PaleGurl is about to go to bed.
PaleGurl thinks polar ice caps are over-rated.
PaleGurl wishes she could lift a truck and throw it at you.