Best Facebook Status Updates of the Week~

After searching the Facebook world, these are the BEST Facebook Status Updates for the week of Nov 7th-14th. Enjoy! Want to make the list? Well then, send me your updates.

Don’t be tardy for the status party.


1. (Name) to all my Facebook friends, thanks for the virtual memories. Without you all, I would only have a studio apartment and seasons 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 of Quantum Leap on VHS.

2. (Name) another crazy night out last night! My breath tastes like regret.

3. (Name) thanks for NOTHING Farm Town friends. My crops went unharvested and died because of your blatant disregard for my absence from Facebook this past week. I guess you can never really count on anyone…anywhere.

4. (Name) is Facebook stalking my first grade teacher. I just can’t believe that he’s not dead yet.

5. (Name) spent the evening deleting all of my skinny pics off of  Facebook. Now it’s like my 40 pound weight gain never happened.

6. (Name) gave birth to another kid today and no one cares. Why is it so important to my family that I know exactly who the father is? It’s so sad.  Everyone really started taking my birthing skills for granted after the 11th kid. Come on people – Throw me a freakin’ onesie!

7. (Name) why is it that every guy I date never calls me again after he sees my porcelain doll collection? I think it’s nice how all 347 of them surround my bed and keep me safe from evil doers and angry fairies who wish to take my adult teeth from my mouth while I sleep without leaving behind any compensation for me.

8. (Name) is still unsure where the manparts go when guys wear super tight, ultra low-rise women’s jeans. Pete Wentz, I’m looking at you!

9. (Name) is at home from work today with a sick ferret.

10. (Name) went to Vegas and all I got was this lousy 3 foot tall margarita glass that I only drank half of and then urinated in. It may be time to take it off from around my neck, but these damn straps are just so convenient.


What could this guy be thinking???

A. This is how I deal with marital stress.

B. I’m going to choke the gay right out of me.

C. I will be the world’s GREATEST prop comic. Look, I’m a strapping old jock. Ha! I’m hilarious.

D. I spend my Sundays hoping that Monday never comes.

2 thoughts on “Best Facebook Status Updates of the Week~

  1. my girlfriend is very skinny that is why she likes skinny jeans and tight fitting trousers ::

  2. sometimes skinny jeans are not comfortable to wear, i would always prefer to use loos jeans -*,

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