How do you turn this damn thing on!?!


(I don’t need spy-ware, I’ll kill any virus with my own liver-spotted hands)

Technology is hard or at least US Senator John McCain seems to think so. According to United States Republican presidential hopeful, “I am learning to get online myself, and I will have that down fairly soon.” That’s right, the man who hopes to be the ruler of the Free World has yet to master how to “get online.” I would think then that McCain also has problems with other aspects of the modern world like Tivo, cell phones, microwaves, and the flush toilet. However, I’ve heard he’s an expert on the electric typewriter. And he now regrets telling his former BFF Thomas Edison that inventing the electric typewriter was “an absolute waste of time.” John McCain has always much preferred his beloved ink well and feather pen, but now realizes the need for “documents to be printed electronically.”

Don’t be hard on the guy…sometimes it just takes a while to realize the error of your ways. Just this year John McCain admitted that he shouldn’t have vetoed the bill that created a national holiday in honor of Martin Luther King Jr. According to McCain, his position since his veto has “evolved.” His evolution may have come about 22 years too late, but it’s not like civil rights is a timely issue. Take your time Mr. McCain, it takes some men all their lives to do the right thing.  Or in the words of Kanye West, maybe you just “hate black people.”

Much like the interweb, civil rights seem to take a backseat to McCain’s current hobbies, which include: making more money than God; killing the Earth; getting “friendly” with lobbyists; and urging the working poor to take on more jobs. I know many John McCain fans love his pre-historic mentality, but just like segregated drinking fountains, John McCain is outdated and unwanted. But I guess when you run a presidential campaign based on the fact that you were a POW, nothing else really matters.

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