Don’t touch my Corey…


As a young, pale gurl growing up in the 1980’s, Corey Haim was my ULTIMATE dreamboat. I saw all of his movies. I even saw the ones that no one else did or ever would…Can you say Dream A Little Dream, Dream A Little Dream 2 (the definition of unnecessary) or Dream Machine!?! At 10 years old, I devised a reincarnation story that I had been married to Corey Haim in a previous life. This was until we were driving in our BMW one warm summer day, lost control of the car and then drowned in a pond near our home (now that I think of it, maybe I watched Beetlejuice one too many times). We were then both reincarnated; however, only I had any memories of our past life. I shared this story with everyone I knew, including my parents. I imagine had children’s therapy been deemed then as progressive as it is today, my parents would have had a therapist on speed dial. Instead, my mother just responded by telling me that I had a “wonderful” imagination. She’s always been my #1 enabler and I love her for that.

My love for Corey grew stronger as I saved all my chore money to buy every Tiger Beat and Big Bopper magazine that showcased his gorgeous face.  However, around the mid 1990’s, I began seeing less of Corey. Since the Internet was not an option at that time, I was forced to search the magazine racks diligently each time I were at the grocery store and convenience store to catch a glimpse of my love; but he was no where to be found. Instead of gracing the cover of Tiger Beat, Corey had fallen deeper and deeper into drugs and obscurity. And as I entered my teenage years, Corey briefly faded somewhat from my heart as I started instead giving it to young Midwestern boys. Despite my brief lapse in Corey Haim obsession, my new found love  or flannel, Vans, and Courtney Love, wasn’t able to completely erase the Haimster from my thoughts. I always wanted him back in the lime light. When I missed him, which was most of the 1990’s, I would watch my favorite movie (starring the Two Coreys) – Dream A Little Dream . By the time I graduated high school, I could have recited the whole movie to anyone who had asked. And although no one ever did, I’d still throw in a line or two just to prove my dedication. Not surprising at all, I nearly peed my pants when I found out that Corey was back on television last year starring in The Two Coreys.

I watched every episode of season one, despite how lame and staged it truly was. I was relieved to see that season 2 would include more “honesty,” scandal, and just more of my beloved Corey. Sure, he may carry some of his crack scars with him to this day, but to me he’ll always be a dreamboat.

However, since season 2 started, it’s gotten a little too real for me. I just can’t get over the fact that some pervert violated the Haimster. Actually now it seems that both Coreys were molested as kids and it’s too disturbing to think about. After hearing things like this, I wish I could go back to my innocence. Or even better, stumble upon a time machine (a la Marty McFly) and save the Haimster from this perv and himself. I’d love to wake up in my old bedroom circa 1988 when Corey was the toast of the town and all I wanted was to grow up and look life Tiffany or Debbie Gibson (I realize she goes by Debra now, but she’ll always be Debbie to me). I’d gladly spend one more day tightly rolling my stone-washed jeans and spritzing my favorite Electric Youth perfume on before heading out to go rollerskating. Yes, I said rollerskating. Rollerblades ruined a good roll if you ask me. But sadly, those days are long over. Instead of curling, then ratting, and then spraying 6 pounds of Aqua Net on my bangs, I now blow-dry them straight. And instead of Corey being the biggest young star in the world, he’s fallen victim to the reality TV world where he is forced to conjure up the darkest moments of his past just so that he can get a little more screen time. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Two Coreys show, but I can’t help and be sad that my Corey has fallen so far.

(This poster hung over my bed from approximately 1989-1998)

Get well Corey Haim and get back in good with Hollywood!

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One thought on “Don’t touch my Corey…

  1. I ‘ve had an obsession with wanting red hair, think Robin Lively in Teen Witch and Kerri Green in Goonies and of course Lucas. I imagined being Maggie (Kerri) in Lucas and chasing frogs with Corey. Ahh, the good ol days. Corey Haim has always reminded me of my brother though so as fond and endearing as Lucas was I was always happy she ended up with Charlie Sheen instead.

    Did you have one of those pocket rock things (can’t remember what they were called) that were the first little portable music players. I rocked mine with my Tiffany and Fat Boys cartridges.

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